Our guest curator this week is Kim Bongiorno, who blogs at Let Me Start By Saying and right here on HuffPost Parents. Read her selections below, and follow @HuffPostParents and @LetMeStart on Twitter for more!
No, you can't have candy for breakfast. Don't be silly. Now be quiet and let me finish my peppermint mocha frappuccino.
— John Lyon (@JohnLyonTweets) February 26, 2015
The scariest thing I've heard my toddler say: "I poured my own syrup!"
— Kristen Chase (@thatkristen) February 24, 2015
Oh yeah? Well could an idiot do this?
*figures out Blue's Clues*
— Rock (@TheMichaelRock) February 24, 2015
With the ferocity that my 6 y/o daughter knocked on the bathroom door there was either a murderer in the house or a cat did something cute
— Zack (@Mr_Kapowski) February 24, 2015
Joke's on my kids who are playing house, there's nothing fun about any of this.
— OneFunnyMummy (@OneFunnyMummy) February 24, 2015
"Hey, that was fun! Let's keep doing it until it's not." - kids.
— Jason Good (@jasonmgood) February 20, 2015
I'm so fashionable that I can wear the same clothes three days in a row.
— John Willey (@DaddysinCharge) February 26, 2015
My little boy's room has an animal theme, while my older son went with "auction at the unclaimed storage locker."
— Hot Breakfast (@amydillon) February 25, 2015
Me: Have I told you lately that I love you?
7yo: YES. STOP ASKING.
— Sarah (est. 1975) (@est1975blog) February 25, 2015
3yo: I keep telling the dog to sit but he won't listen.
Me: Huh. Annoying right?
3yo: How do I fix it?
Me: If you figure it out let me know.
— Outsmarted Mommy (@outsmartedmommy) February 25, 2015
20-30% of a father's body fat is a product of eating children's un-eaten bread crust.
— No Idea: Daddy Blog (@byclintedwards) February 23, 2015
The Day the Naps Stopped
- A Horror Story
— Mrs.Throbinson (@mellimelle) February 24, 2015
Things you can say to your dog but not your kid: "Pee on the floor again and you're gonna have to find a new mommy to love you."
— Nicole Leigh Shaw (@NicoleLeighShaw) February 21, 2015
I tell my children I love them, a thousand times a day, which is not quite as much as I yell, "Don't put that in your mouth!"
— Carisa Miller (@mcarisa) February 25, 2015
The difference between my 2 year old and a tornado in my living room is that a tornado doesn't pee on my floor.
— John Kinnear (@askdadblog) February 26, 2015
"But I just sat down"
- me about to find out how long it's been since my wife sat down
— Josh (@iwearaonesie) February 25, 2015
Kids will be home soon and will want to know what is for dinner.
That's cute.
— YKIHAYHT (@YKIHAYHT) February 25, 2015
When I make a healthy dinner, I do it so you will live a LONG life. When you don't eat it, I want to kill you. Love is complicated.
— BadParentingMoments (@BPMbadassmama) February 23, 2015
Your dinner tonight
is being served à la carte.
"Carte" meaning the fridge.
— Peyton Price (@Suburbanhaiku) February 24, 2015
If your plan for quieting a baby consists of a mocking bird, a diamond ring and a billy goat, you probably shouldn't be a parent.
— Sarcasticsapien (@Sarcasticsapien) February 23, 2015 
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